Thursday, June 28, 2012


I did it.

Not only did I pass my Driving Test, I passed it without having made any errors
It simply does not feel real.

Especially after last night. By the end of last night I had come to accept the fact that there was no chance I could possibly pass. Ever.
I was destined to be a L(oser) Plate Driver for the rest of my life.
In fact, I was almost too embarrassed to even show my face at the Police Station the following morning - after what happened...

It was one of those moments in life where I just had to stop and laugh at myself.. -Once I had stopped screaming and sobbing simultaneously, of course.

By now you're probably wondering what the dickens could possibly have happened to evoke such terror.
Let me first just say that I suck(ed) at reverse parking. (This was yesterday. I have now got it down to a fine art.) Up until last night I had only reverse parked in a Learner car with the extra set of pedals on the Instructor's side. So naturally I was a bit (excruciatingly) nervous about the whole ordeal.
As I mentioned previously, it was night time.

Fact: the badness of my driving increases exponentially as daylight fades.

So there I was, with mum in the passenger seat and my older brother in the back, casually driving along the main street of my hometown in search of a car, behind which I could practice my reverse parking.

Fact: generally the only cars you'll find along the main street of my hometown after a certain hour belong to either people at the pub, or ..people at the pub.

After a brief pep talk from my mum and brother, I gingerly selected the lucky car that would serve as the subject of my reverse parking practice. I took a deep breath and pulled up next to it. I remembered the trick that my instructor had taught me in the Learner car: reverse until the 'little sticker thing' on the bottom-left corner of the back window of my vehicle is in line with the right tail-light of the car I intend on parking behind. As soon as they are in line, I must promptly turn my steering wheel as far left as it will turn, until my vehicle is on a 45 degree angle to the curb. At this point, I must lock my steering wheel right until my vehicle is parallel to the curb.
Simple, right?
So simple that my back-left wheel ended up hitting the curb. Fantastic. I was contemplating going forwards once more and having a second attempt when, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that I had attracted quite an audience at the little pub across the road, some of whom thought my performance might benefit from them yelling what I can only assume were words of encouragement..
Now, I don't like reverse parking at the best of times, but this was too much for my heart rate to handle. I promptly U-turned the hell outta that uncomfortable situation and decided to settle for an 'imaginary' practice environment.

I drove us out to a dimly-lit street that I knew not many people lived down. My brother placed his water bottle in the middle of the road to mark where the right tail-light of my 'imaginary' car would be. I then proceeded to practice the method taught to me by my driving instructor, as I had been before. (I had a different instructor today who taught me a much more trustworthy method :P)
Anyway, after a while I got sick of practicing on a water bottle I could barely even see, so I decided to go practice something else. There was only one problem with this plan - I was facing the wrong way. The road was really skinny, with a small grassy slope on either side. I was like, "alright, cool, I'll just do a 3-point turn to face me in the other direction."

So I've done the first bit of the turn, and all of a sudden I see headlights coming towards me from a little road that leads from the forestry. I started to panic a little, as I was pulled up in the middle of the road facing sideways. It was then that I noticed the reflective pattern on the approaching car. Oh God, it was the cops!

I started full-on freaking out.

The closer they got, the more intense my freaking out became.

Even though they were crawling towards me, in my panicked state of mind, I legitimately thought I was going to either die, or be arrested. Two extremes, I know. :P And in retrospect, I wan't even doing anything wrong! Well, besides stalling several times, screaming/sobbing, and then eventually accepting my fate and allowing myself to slowly roll down the slight slope onto the grass.. (while still screaming and sobbing.)

I was covering my eyes with my hands, however I lifted them just in time to see the expression on the cop's face as he slowly swerved around the water bottle.
It was something like:

Meanwhile, I was all like:

But at the end of the day, who cares! I passed!
My brother may have gained some easy blackmail material, but hey, it was worth it to get my Ps. :D

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