Saturday, July 7, 2012

What Horror Movies have Taught Me

  • If you make people laugh, you are most likely being kept alive merely to serve as comic relief and will eventually be killed.
  • Your phone will be working just fine right up until the moment you urgently need to use it.
  • Same with your car.
  • If you are a girl with large boobs and you take off your clothes, you will die. Probably naked.
  • Never turn your back on your 'killer', even if they appear to be dead. They never are.
  • Kill all clowns.
  • If you are the virgin in your circle of friends, you're almost guaranteed to survive, while your slutty friends don't stand a chance.
  • If the music starts getting louder, get the hell out of there.
  • Avoid having sex in cemeteries.
  • And playing with Ouija boards. That's just asking for trouble. 
  • If a dirty, unshaven service station owner in the middle of a desert advises you to take a short-cut to wherever you're going, for the love of God don't listen to him.
  • If you are a baby, you will survive. Nobody messes with a baby.