What Horror Movies have Taught Me

• If you make people laugh, you are most likely being kept alive merely to serve as comic relief and will eventually be killed.
• Your phone will be working just fine right up until the moment you urgently need to use it.
• Same with your car.
• If you are a girl with large boobs and you take off your clothes, you will die. Probably naked.
• Never turn your back on your 'killer', even if they appear to be dead. They never are.
• Kill all clowns.
• If you are the virgin in your circle of friends, you're almost guaranteed to survive, while your slutty friends don't stand a chance.
• If the music starts getting louder, get the hell out of there.
• Avoid having sex in cemeteries.
• And playing with Ouija boards. That's just asking for trouble. 
• If a dirty, unshaven service station owner in the middle of a desert advises you to take a short-cut to wherever you're going, for the love of God don't listen to him.
• If you are a baby, you will survive. Nobody messes with a baby.